Helping Loved Ones To Live Well With Dementia This Christmas

Christmas is a time that many of us look forward to; one that can be filled with family gatherings, familiar traditions and the joy of being together with the people you love. But, despite the happiness and warmth of the occasion, for someone living with dementia, the holiday season can cause anxiety, leading them to feel overwhelmed, confused, or exhausted. 

The good news is that, with a little planning, patience, kindness and understanding, Christmas can remain a meaningful, enjoyable time for everyone, including a loved one who is living with dementia.

Below are practical ways to make the holidays more comfortable, along with guidance on how to communicate with someone living with dementia in a kind and supportive way.

Create a Calm, Comfortable Environment

People with dementia can easily become overstimulated and anxious. Christmas brings with it a change to routine and will often be accompanied by noise, decorations, loud music and large gatherings, which can feel like “too much” all at once.

Tips to help:

• Keep the environment familiar. Use decorations that the person with dementia might recognise from years past rather than changing everything at once.

• Avoid clutter. Too many lights, colours, or ornaments can be visually overwhelming.

• Manage noise levels. Soft music is fine, but loud televisions, multiple conversations, and sudden noises at Christmas may cause distress.

• Provide a quiet space. Try to ensure there is a calm room where the person living with dementia can take quiet breaks away from all the festivities, should they become overwhelmed - this can make all the difference.

  
  

Maintain Routines Wherever Possible

Routines offer comfort and security for people living with dementia. These can often revolve around  their every-day tasks, such as when they eat meals, their personal care routines, medication administration and the time they settle for the evening which take place at the same time, in the same way, each day. Try and stick to these routines throughout the Christmas period to avoid anxiety and confusion. 

In addition to bearing in mind daily routines, supportive ideas for a person living with dementia might include:

• Introducing special events gradually and keeping plans flexible. What may be acceptable for a person living with dementia initially, may all of a sudden not be ok and it’s important to calmly and kindly be able to adapt your plans to accommodate this.

• Prepare guests in advance so they understand the person may need breaks or become tired and anxious more quickly. When a person living with dementia is surrounded by people who are calm and understanding, it can help to reduce anxiety and make for a happier environment over all. 

  
  

Choose Activities That Your Loved One Can Enjoy

Christmas activities don’t have to be large or complicated. Focus on simple, meaningful moments and activities which your loved one may have enjoyed in the past.

This might include:

• Looking at old photo albums or reminiscing about past holidays.

• Listening to familiar Christmas music in a calming environment.

• Watching a favourite festive film together.

• Baking simple recipes together.

• Crafting or decorating with gentle guidance.

Choose activities that match their abilities and energy levels at the time. Remember, things can change on a regular basis, so participation, understanding, practicality and flexibility matters more than perfection.

Keep Gatherings Small and Supportive

A big family party can easily become overwhelming, especially for someone in the later stages of dementia. For this reason, calmness and familiarity is key. If you are having a fairly large gathering or one in a public place, try to seat the person with dementia with a wall behind them, so that any noise is coming from one direction and as mentioned earlier, have a calm space that they can retreat to, should things become too much. 

Consider:

• Smaller gatherings with people they know well.

• Avoiding dramatic changes to daily life.

• Visiting in pairs, rather than as a large group.

• Hosting events earlier in the day, when the person living with dementia may feel more alert and comfortable.

Adjust Expectations And Embrace the Moment

Dementia may change how a loved one experiences Christmas, but meaningful connections and the making of a happy and memorable family occasion are still possible. Remember, the person living with dementia may not remember specific details, become repetitive, or confused, but they can still feel:

• Loved

• Included

• Safe

• Calm

• Comfortable

• Part of the family

Focus on creating a positive emotional experience rather than trying to recreate the “perfect” Christmas from the past. It’s the feeling of comfort, security, contentment and warmth that will help your loved one to feel happy and more able to enjoy the time they are having.

How to Talk to Someone Living With Dementia at Christmas

Communication can feel challenging for many people, but, when talking with someone with dementia, small changes in approach can make conversations relaxed and enjoyable for both of you. If your friends and family are unused to talking to a person living with dementia, then you may find it useful to offer a few communication tips which can really support the person to feel included and build their confidence. 

Start conversations gently and lightly, with a smile, make eye contact and use the person’s name. Approach them from the front so they don’t feel startled and try the following:

• Speak slowly, clearly, calmly and repeat what you said if needed.

• Avoid long explanations or multiple questions at once and try to avoid open-ended questions.  

• Use short sentences.

• Be patient and give them time to process what you have said and respond.

• Try not to finish the person’s sentences or speak for them. 

• Use body language and gestures to support what you’re saying and be aware of their body language, too.

• A gentle hand hold or a light touch on the arm can offer grounding and comfort. NB. Always gauge their comfort level with this first.

• If appropriate, you can point to items, people or pictures when mentioning them to give a visual aid.

• Be interested in what the person says, even if they might be repeating themself.

The language which people use to talk about dementia can often be negative, so try to use positive language, where possible. Ways to do this can include putting the person before the condition - for example ‘a person living with dementia’, or ‘a person with dementia’. Remember to always see the person first and not the condition. As with all of us, negative words and actions can cause distress, so it’s worth being mindful when choosing your language and tone of voice.

A big no-no, when it comes to talking to someone living with dementia, is to try to test their memory. Questions like: “Do you remember who I am?” can cause anxiety or embarrassment.

Instead, try a different approach which will help them feel more at ease, such as:

• “It’s lovely to see you — I’m Sarah, your granddaughter.”

• “We used to bake gingerbread together every Christmas!”

If you offer information naturally in a calm and easy-going way, without pressure, it will mean every chance of having a conversation which is a positive experience for both of you.

Remember, even if your loved one struggles with details, they still experience emotions deeply. If they appear confused, stressed, or upset, acknowledge their feelings and offer reassurance. 

Likewise, be mindful of causing a person living with dementia to feel confused. 

If they believe it’s a different year or are talking about someone long gone, for example, gently go along with their reality rather than correcting them, unless safety is at risk.

This approach avoids distress and keeps the interaction positive. 

You can also gently steer the conversation onto a different topic, if you feel that they might become distressed by what they are talking about.  A smile, a story, a shared song, or suggesting a warm cup of tea together can help to create moments that matter more than anything else.

Christmas may look different when a loved one is living with dementia, but it can still be beautiful, meaningful, and full of connection. With patience, flexibility, and a compassionate understanding of their needs, you can help them experience the warmth and comfort of the season.

What matters most is not grand gestures or perfect plans - it’s the feeling of love and belonging that we share.  

From all of us at Sussex Grange Home Care and Residential Care Home we would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!